BECAUSE MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE use tactics like gaslighting and blame-shifting to evade being held accountable when they are caught out, their partners may have difficulty recognizing the signs of narcissistic cheating.
For answers we turned to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Nicole Arzt. She serves on the advisory board for Family Enthusiast and she’s also the author of the book Sometimes Therapy Is Awkward: A Collection of Life-Changing Insights for the Modern Clinician.
Manya Wakefield: Nicole, please share the biggest red flag of narcissistic cheating.
Nicole Artz: The biggest dead giveaway is withdrawal. This doesn’t inherently mean the person is cheating, but almost all partners look back and recognize that their partner was pulling back at some point in the relationship.
Manya Wakefield: Can you describe what withdrawal looks like when a narcissistic partner is engaging in an extramarital affair?
Nicole Artz: Withdrawal can be physical. For example, spending less quality time with you, avoiding sex, kissing, even holding hands or cuddling. It can be financial. Examples of this are they become less willing to spend money on you, and hesitate to open up a new credit card or bank account.
It can also be emotional. For example, they may seem more distant, act defensively, spend more time going out with friends, etcetera.
Manya Wakefield: Can a highly narcissistic partner’s withdrawal extend to other aspects of the relationship as well?
Nicole Artz: Your partner may also start withdrawing from your children, other family members – especially if they’re relatives on your side – and mutual friends. They may no longer have as much interest in the same shared hobbies or interests.
Manya Wakefield: Can you talk a bit about what drives the withdrawal process?
Nicole Artz: The withdrawal comes from a place of shame and guilt. On a fundamental level, people know cheating is wrong, and they want to separate themselves from the act. Additionally, most unfaithful partners don’t want to hurt their loved ones with their actions. Subconsciously or not, they start pulling away. They don’t want their loved one to find out what’s going on. They think they might be able to maintain the facade.
Nicole’s book ‘Sometimes Therapy Is Awkward: A Collection of Life-Changing Insights for the Modern Clinician,’ is available on Amazon.
Learn More About Recognizing The Signs Of Narcissistic Cheating
- How To Tell When A Narcissist Is Cheating With Rachel Coffey
- Emotional Ghosting: 10 Signs of Emotional Abandonment
- 3 Ways To See Through An Unfaithful Narcissist with Genesis Games
Manya Wakefield is a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, coercive trauma specialist, and the developer of the Coercive Trauma Recovery Method™ and TENEL™ (Traumatic Exposure to Narcissism in Early Life) — proprietary recovery frameworks built from seven years of direct professional work with survivors of coercive control, narcissistic abuse, and Adult Children of Narcissists. Both frameworks have been reviewed by Dr. Michael Kinsey, PhD, clinical psychologist, New School for Social Research. She is the founder of Narcissistic Abuse Rehab, a global social impact platform launched in 2019 to support survivors through evidence-based recovery frameworks. Manya is the author of Are You In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship (2019), a resource used in domestic violence recovery groups worldwide. Her original research contributions include the Global Coercive Control Legislation Index (2020) — the first systematic index of its kind on the web — and the Global Femicide Legislation Index (2026), comprehensive legal references used by advocates, legal professionals, and policymakers internationally, cited in peer-reviewed publications including the Southern Illinois University Law Journal, Palgrave Macmillan, and the University of Agder. Her expertise has been featured in Newsweek, Elle, Cosmopolitan, HuffPost, Parade, and YourTango. She hosts the Narcissistic Abuse Rehab Podcast, available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Amazon Music. All content on this site reflects Manya's direct professional experience working with survivors of narcissistic abuse and coercive control, her published research, and her ongoing advocacy work.
