Non-fatal strangulation in intimate partner violence is a powerful predictor of femicide, the main cause of premature death for women globally. A woman who has been targeted for non-fatal strangulation by a partner or family member is 750% more like to be killed by the same perpetrator.
Non-Fatal Strangulation Is A Gendered Crime
Non-fatal strangulation, also known as non-fatal asphyxiation, affects 10 times as many women as men, making it a gendered form of domestic violence. It occurs in 45% of attempted femicides.
Non-fatal strangulation and stalking are considered two of the most serious red flags of escalating aggression that can lead to femicide.
“It actually takes about 7 seconds occlusion of the blood vessels to make someone unconscious,” Gail Starr, clinical coordinator for Albuquerque Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE).
Healthcare Workers Can Be A Lifeline For Victim-Survivors
Informed healthcare professional are often the only hope for women targeted for non-fatal strangulation by current and former intimate partner or family members. It is often overlooked as victim-survivors are often too terrified and disoriented to report the violence they are experiencing at the hands of their partners and family members.
Traces of non-fatal strangulation are only discernible in 50% of the cases. Therefore, learning to identify the signs of non-fatal strangulation is crucial in femicide prevention.
Some physical signs of non-fatal strangulation are:
Loss of consciousness
Difficulty breathing
Difficulty swallowing
Brain damage
Hoarse voice
Paralysis
Motor and speech disorders
Stroke
Bladder or bowel incontinence
Dizziness
Memory loss
Tinnitus
Seeing dark spots
Tunnel vision
Memory loss
Non-fatal strangulation can lead to strokse as there is a risk of blood clots forming in the artery. The strokes can occur days or weeks after the act of violence occurred.
Some psychological signs of non-fatal strangulation include:
Luke Mackie, 21, has been sentenced to more than three years in jail after subjecting two women to malicious campaigns of coercive and control.
*Trigger Warning: This article discusses physical and emotional abuse.
According to Edinburgh Live, Mackie terrorized his partner Nicole Connor, 23, with malicious threats to kill her family if she did not meet his demands. Mackie introduced violence into his relationship with his relationship with Connor within weeks of starting a relationship with her. She recalls how his mood would suddenly change “like a switch” had been flipped. After he abused her, she says he behaved as if nothing had happened.
Connor, an NHS nurse, was placed under a series of arbitrary rules and regulations by Mackie. He isolated her, restricting her freedom of movement by seizing her car keys.His control of Connor became so extreme that he did not allow her to use the bathroom unaccompanied.
Indeed Connor’s life was in danger as Mackie’s crimes against her escalated to several instances of non-fatal strangulation. During one of his outbursts, he threw her down on the floor. When Connor bravely exited her relationship with Mackie, he harassed and stalked her for two months.
Mackie’s behavior was ‘truly harrowing’
Mackie’s cowardly acts of violence against women eventually led to his arrest. At the Dundee Sheriff Court, he pled guilty to 12 charges, including coercive control of Connor from October 2020 to July 2021, four charges against another girlfriend, two attacks on law enforcement officers, and possession of cocaine.
After reviewing the evidence, Sheriff Gregor Murray described Mackie’s behavior as “truly harrowing” and dismissed the mitigating factors presented by the defense.
Mackie remained emotionless as he received his sentence on December 14, 2022. In a pitiful attempt to cling to his chauvinism, he gave his parents a wink as officers led him out of the dock to take him to prison.
A restoration of human dignity
Connor and her family were satisfied with the outcome. Although she still suffers from anxiety after Mackie’s cruel attacks, the court’s decision helped restore her human dignity.
She says, “I don’t think he thought this day would ever come. I’m relieved that he is behind bars. He can’t just walk away and do it to someone else – that was my biggest fear. He’s scum, and I will never forgive him.”
Connor explained that Mackie has not apologized or expressed remorse for his crimes against her, “He’s not sorry for any of it – he’s only sorry he got caught.”
This behavior is typical of perpetrators of gender-based domestic violence, as its perpetrators usually adhere to the sexist dogma that apologizing to women is a threat to their masculinity.
Connor has no illusions about Mackie, explaining, “He’s scum, and I will never forgive him. It now feels like justice has been served, and I can start putting this behind me.”
Confidential support is available 24/7/365 to anyone experiencing abuse. In the USA call 1-800-799-7233 or log on to thehotline.org. In the UK call 0808 2000 247 or log on to nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
Although a relatively small portion of the population (approximately 5%) are clinically diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder, cases of manipulative and destructive behavior have become more publicly recognized in the past few years. Michelle D. Roberts explains that narcissistic abuse differs from other forms of abuse in such a way that it is characterized by a pattern of manipulative behavior and intentional deception aimed at exploiting the victim. Gaslighting is also typical in narcissistic abuse making the victim question their self-worth and whether or not they deserve abusive behavior. However, it’s important to realize that there’s always a way forward from this type of abuse.
In this list, we discuss 5 books that can help narcissistic abuse victims get back on their feet.
Shame Unmasked: Disarming the Hidden Driver Behind Our Destructive Decisions
Shame Unmasked discusses what it calls the “hidden driver” behind destructive decisions – deep-seated feelings of shame. A self-identified reforming narcissist, Rick Patterson discusses how shame drives and fuels narcissism, racism, and the like. He speaks of how shame, especially when unaddressed, takes full control of our lives. Dr. Patterson also discusses in a previous piece the traits that narcissists look for in a partner, including neediness and vulnerability.
Although originally written to guide narcissists in realizing and acting upon their disorder, this book will also be helpful for victims to understand that the problem does not lie with them. Reassigning accountability for the experience will help the victim move forward.
Writing Into the Wound: Understanding Trauma, Truth, and Language
Writing Into the Wound delves into the necessity of facing trauma head-on by picking up the bits and pieces to make oneself whole again after a bout of extreme suffering. In the book, Roxane Gay masterfully tells us, “To change the world, we need to face what has become of it.” She stresses the importance of understanding the extent of trauma to open up ways to move on and move forward to better versions of ourselves.
Gay’s exploration of trauma is not meant for victims to punish themselves and wallow in misery, but to come out stronger and better through discovering extremely important life lessons and collective healing.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Narcissistic abuse can also occur between parents and children. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents explores the different dimensions of parent-children relationships, which can range from abandonment to outright violent abuse. Lindsay Gibson illustrates how children of emotionally immature parents grow up to be unsure of themselves (and their happiness) and are unable to independently navigate the world in front of them.
Unearthing one’s history of abuse may help them fully understand and place into context why they decide to put up with the situation, even for a prolonged time. Going through that process may unlock key links in breaking vicious cycles of abuse.
It Didn’t Start With You
Mark Wolynn’s book on deeply-ingrained emotional problems speaks in the same vein as Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in discussing intergenerational family trauma. However, It Didn’t Start With You leans more on how family trauma is passed on from one generation to another, creating a cycle of anxiety, depression and other problems in familial relationships. Complementary to the traditional drugs, psychosocial therapy and other interventions, Wollyn delves deeper into family history to understand how heavy baggage is inherited from our ancestors, what to take away from it, and what to let go of.
Safe People: How to Find Relationships that are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren’t
Safe People takes that extra step in guiding you through your healing process. It covers more than just avoiding “unsafe people” and gives you an idea of what to look for in “safe people”. These are the kind that you want to surround yourself with especially when you are recovering from an extended period of abuse and trauma.
Henry Cloud and John Townsend speak of the important role of positive relationships for victims to regain trust and confidence in themselves and the people around them.
People who have had to stay in abusive relationships, be it platonic or romantic, with narcissists often take some time to heal. This healing process warrants a multitude of approaches and methods. A helpful first step might be recognition that abuse was committed, and nobody deserves that kind of abuse.
ONE OF THE MOST DEVASTATING aspects of narcissistic abuse in families is that it often leads to estrangement between the recipient of the abuse and their children. To orchestrate parent-child estrangement, narcissists use a manipulation tactic called triangulation. One of the reasons why extreme narcissism is so malignant is because a narcissistic person is prone to objectifying others and, therefore, has no qualms about weaponizing their children in order to exercise abusive power and control over the other parent.
Narcissistic abuse is most effective when the targeted person is isolated, so they excise external influences from the targeted person’s environment that threaten to disturb the narcissist’s narrative. In this way, the perpetrator of the abuse is able to control the targeted person’s perspective and shape the way the individual sees themselves, the narcissist, and the world around them.
In extreme cases of domestic violence, narcissistic triangulation can result in child-to-parent violence with the child mimicking the narcissist’s aggression toward the recipient of the abuse. This shocking behavior is devastating to the targeted parent, who cannot understand why their beloved child is unable to empathize with them or how their children rationalize enabling and sometimes participating in the abuse.
A member of our community who is a survivor of severe long-term narcissistic abuse suffered this cruel fate when they left their abusive partner and refused to sign a non-disclosure agreement after they were divorced. They wrote:
I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and the atmosphere between my adult children and narcissist ex is cult-like. The children participated in the abuse when they were younger and refuse to have contact with me today. I’ve never met my grandchildren.
1. Narcissists See The World Through A Binary Lens
An important factor in understanding the behavior of children in the context of parent-child estrangement is the awareness that narcissists view the world around them through a binary lens. Dr. Kinsey explains:
“The context that I would give people who are estranged from their children or who are caught up in the narcissist’s version of reality [is] to understand is the nature of the narcissist’s defensive structure. The world to a narcissist is divided into good and bad and the narcissist distances himself or herself from the bad as much as possible. There is intense profound disgust for the bad and the bad always has to be outside of the narcissistic personality and that means that there are scapegoats, demons, devils, and people who are completely unworthy of association.”
2. Children Often Identify With The Same Sex Parent
“An identification often develops, especially with the same-sex parent,” says Dr. Kinsey, addressing why some children who grow up the the dysfunction of narcissistic family dynamics may be unwilling to empathize with the recipient of the abuse, “If the same-sex parent is a narcissist then there is a tendency to emulate that way of dealing with problems, difficulties, and emotions. so, functionally, what this means is the bad that exists in everyone and especially exists in the narcissist is displaced or it’s placed into the other parent. Usually, these are things like vulnerability, weakness, and unworthiness can be disowned in that way
3. The Child Prioritizes Their Survival In Power Holder’s Social Circle
Another social aspect of the equation that could impact the child’s behavior is their survival instinct.
“Being within the narcissist-child dyad is, obviously, a very coveted place. You know with both of our parents there is such a deep need to be loved and accepted,” according to Dr. Kinsey, “If a child is forced to choose, they might choose the person that they feel they are most like or they’ll also choose the person who they feel is safer or who they feel is the more desirable one to follow. In the case of the kind of scenario you’re discussing, it’s really a matter of survival. Being in the “in-group” of the narcissist is so essential to survival.”
Final thoughts
If you have been targeted for narcissistic triangulation and are estranged from your child, remember that you are not alone. Up to 45% of domestic violence survivors are targeted for this strain of post-separation abusive power and control. As distressing as the situation is, bear in mind that your children are secondary victims to intimate partner violence.
Focus on what you can influence and practice radical acceptance of the things you cannot control. Recognize that the aim of narcissistic tribulation between a parent and this child is to psychologically destabilize you, so it is especially important to practice emotional hygiene.
If you feel that you or a loved one could benefit from additional support with parent-child estrangement, reach out to Dr. Kinsey at Mindsplain.
Watch Episode 1 of Co-Parenting with a Narcissist with Dr. Michael Kinsey.
COERCIVE CONTROL IS AN ACT or a pattern of acts used by one person to harm, punish or frighten another person to secure psycho-emotional dominance. It begins with occasional incidents of strategic aggression that escalate over time to full-scale campaigns of intimate terrorism.
Coercive control was conceptualized by Evan Stark, Ph.D. in his book Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Perpetrators of coercive control also harm their children as part of their wider campaign to isolate the primary recipient of the abuse.
Signs of Coercive Control
1. Gaslighting
The perpetrator deliberately distorts the victim-survivors’ reality.
2. Isolation
The perpetrator isolates the victim-survivor from family and friends.
3. Control of Daily Life
The perpetrator dictates where the victim-survivor can go, see, wear, and eat.
4. Monitoring time
The perpetrator oversees where the victim-survivor is, where they are going, and what they are doing at all times
5. Put-Downs
The perpetrator may repeatedly tell the victim-survivor that they are worthless or useless, they may publically humiliate the victim-survivor by calling them degrading names or by criticizing their appearance, intelligence, etc.
6. Monitoring Communication
The perpetrator may use spyware to track the victim-survivors’ digital communication.
7. Rules and Regulations
The perpetrator creates a set of ever changing rules which they enforce by humiliating, degrading, or dehumanizing the victim-survivor.
8. Threats
The perpetrator may threaten to hurt or kill the victim-survivor, their child, family members, friends, or pets; they may threaten to take away their child; they may threaten to reveal private information such as intimate photos or revelations about your sexuality.
9. Deprivation of Basic Needs
The perpetrator restricts the victim-survivors’ access to healthcare and food.
10. Obstruction of Employment
The perpetrator may stop the victim-survivor from obtaining employment, going to work, and earning their own money.
11. Financial Abuse
The perpetrator takes control of the victim-survivors’ finances, making sure they have little access to money so that the victim-survivor is dependent on them.
12. Criminal Damage
The perpetrator may damage or destroy the victim-survivors’ personal property.
13. Assault or Rape
The perpetrator may physically abuse, sexually assault, or rape the victim-survivor.
Confidential support is available 24/7/365 to anyone experiencing abuse. In the USA call 1-800-799-7233 or log on to thehotline.org. In the UK call 0808 2000 247 or log on to nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
CHILD-TO-PARENT VIOLENCE (CPV) is estimated to occur in up to 1 in 10 families. ITV News reports that a growing number of people are experiencing parental abuse by children. Experts say that the incidence of child-to-parent violence increased during the coronavirus pandemic. Due to the stigma associated with this most taboo form of domestic abuse, two out of three parents experiencing child-to-parent violence are unable to get the support they need.
It should be noted that children can be used as part of a wider campaign of coercive and controlling behavior waged by one parent against the other in order to isolate them. Dr. Evan Stark, author of the book Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life, describes how batterers weaponize children, explaining that older children are sometimes used as “co-abusers” in dysfunctional families. It is in the abusers interest to undermine the targeted person in their parental role and willfully sabotage their relationship with their children.
Dr. Joanna North specializes in providing support for people affected by child-to-parent violence, also known as child/adolescent to parent violence and abuse (CAPVA). She says it happens far more than one might imagine. She underscores that the coronavirus pandemic and the ensuing lockdowns exacerbated stressors many young people are experiencing, leaving them frustrated and angry – even children who were not normally aggressive.
Because of the stigma associated with child-to-parent violence, it can be difficult for parents to seek support.
“Parents often find themselves blamed and shamed,” says Doctoral Researcher Thien Trang Nguyen Phan, “It’s essentially a lose-lose situation for parents because they often get that blaming language when they try to get help.”
Michelle John is the founder of PEGS – Parental Education Growth Support , a service provider for people experiencing child-to-parent violence. The organization receives hundreds of referrals of people experiencing parental abuse by children. PEGS recognizes that child-to-parent violence should be treated like any other kind of domestic violence.
She explains, “We would never, ever send an intimate partner victim of domestic abuse on a program on how to be a better partner – it just wouldn’t happen. But, automatically, parents are told ‘you’re at fault, you’re to blame.”
Confidential support is available 24/7/365 to anyone experiencing abuse. In the USA call 1-800-799-7233 or log on to thehotline.org. In the UK call 0808 2000 247 or log on to nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
DARVO IS AN INITIALISM that stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse, Victim, and Offender. It is used to describe a defensive manipulation tactic used by one person to avoid being held accountable for their acts of aggression toward another person. It is an extreme form of gaslighting behavior that can be perpetrated by an individual or group. In the latter instance it is referred to as institutional DARVO.
Jennifer J. Freyd, Ph.D. first conceptualized DARVO in an article she published in 1997. Dr. Freyd, a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, explains that perpetrators of DARVO
Deny their behavior
Attack the person who is confronting them, and
Reverse the roles of
Victim and
Offender.
According to Dr. Freyd, the DARVO tactic can be used by people who inflict harm on others as well as the bystanders who support them. Sometimes the purpose of DARVO is to minimize a transgression, and at other times it is used to deny that the transgression ever took place.
The DARVO tactic can be a means used in the process of scapegoating. It changes the focus from the misdeeds of the true culprit and emphasizes real or invented shortcomings of the person they harmed.
For example, a perpetrator breaks the law by assaulting another person but minimizes their crime by claiming that they were the actually victim by framing the victim-survivors acts of resistance as the actual assault. Thus, they make it appear as if they are the victim and the actual victim-survivor is the perpetrator.
Dr. Freyd explains:
“This occurs, for instance, when an actually guilty perpetrator assumes the role of ‘falsely accused’ and attacks the accuser’s credibility and blames the accuser of being the perpetrator of a false accusation.”
DARVO often relies on cultrual biases and people’s propensity to discrimination. It is most successful in the context of systemic oppression, i.e. racism, sexism, etcetera.
NON-FATAL STRANGULATION is slated to become a criminal offense in England and Wales, carrying a sentence of up to seven years in prison. The expansion of the UK’s cutting edge domestic abuse bill to include non-fatal strangulation will close a gaping legal loophole that has enabled perpetrators of intimate partner abuse and domestic homicide to escape justice – until now.
The initiative to amend the Domestic Abuse Bill and criminalize non-fatal strangulation was led by the Center For Women’s Justice, who met with Justice Secretary and Lord High Chancellor Robert Buckland.
Nogah Ofer, a solicitor at the Centre for Women’s Justice, said, “It is time that as a society we stopped normalizing and ignoring [non-fatal] strangulation.
“The vast majority of these crimes are committed against women,” the Lord Chancellor told the BBC, “They are often a precursor to even more serious violence.”
What is non-fatal strangulation?
Non-fatal strangulation is compression on the neck to seriously obstruct respiration and cause harm, but not death. It is an antecedent to gender-based homicide. The Femicide Census reports that a woman is killed by a man every three days in the UK.
“Around one in six (17%) of female victims were killed by strangulation, asphyxiation, this was the second most common method of killing for female victims. In contrast, a much smaller proportion (3%) of male victims were killed in this way.”
What is femicide?
Femicide is a term that describes the killing of females by males because of their gender. Diana Russell coined the term in 1974. It is the principal cause of premature death for women globally.
Domestic Abuse in the UK in numbers
In 2019, some 2.4 million adults in the UK were targets of domestic abuse:
“Domestic abuse is an abhorrent crime perpetrated on victims and their families by those who should love and care for them,” says Victoria Atkins MP, Minister for Safeguarding.
The socio-economic cost of domestic abuse in England and Wales is estimated to be a staggering £66 billion.
Confidential support is available 24/7/365 to anyone experiencing abuse. In the USA call 1-800-799-7233 or log on to thehotline.org. In the UK call 0808 2000 247 or log on to nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
Non-fatal strangulation is a form of asphyxia produced by continuous application of pressure to the throat. In the context of domestic abuse, it is a tool used by one person to threaten, frighten, and subjugate another person. It is an act of abusive power and control. Research shows that it is a high-risk marker for intimate partner femicide. Every year 50 000 women are killed by intimate partners or family members around the world.
According to the Training Institute on Strangulation Prevention, “A woman who has suffered a nonfatal strangulation incident with her intimate partner is 750% more likely to be killed by the same perpetrator.”
What is non-fatal strangulation?
The term non-fatal strangulation is compression on the neck to seriously obstruct respiration and cause harm, but not death. It is synonymous with choking, stifling, and throttling. In the context of domestic abuse, it is distinguished as an act of gender-based violence commonly used by perpetrators of coercive control.
Common types of non-fatal strangulation
The three (3) main types of non-fatal asphyxiation are:
Hanging when a person is suspended with a ligature around his or her neck, which constricts due to the gravitational pull of the person’s body weight.
Ligature occurs when the pressure applied around the neck is with a ligature only.
Manual occurs when pressure is applied to the neck with hands, arms, or legs.
In the context of domestic abuse, these acts of aggression occur by force and against the victim’s will. Perpetrators of non-fatal asphyxiation constrict the throat of the victim by:
Using one or both hands
Applying pressure with a forearm
Applying pressure with a knee or foot
Use of objects, such as a strap, plastic, rope, belt, scarf, cord, scarf, necklace, etc.
What are the risks of non-fatal strangulation?
Obstructing the upper airway can be lethal. Non-fatal asphyxiation can lead to a decrease of oxygen and cause brain damage or cardiac arrest within minutes of the attack.
Physical effects
Some of the physical effects of non-fatal asphyxiation are:
Loss of consciousness
Difficulty breathing
Difficulty swallowing
Brain damage
Hoarse voice
Paralysis
Motor and speech disorders
Stroke
Bladder or bowel incontinence
Dizziness
Memory loss
Tinnitus
Seeing dark spots
Tunnel vision
Memory loss
Psychological effects
Some of the psychological effects of non-fatal asphyxiation are:
Post-traumatic stress (PTSD)
Depression
Suicidality
Dissociation
Compliance
Amnesia
What is the purpose of non-fatal strangulation?
Non-fatal asphyxiation is a non-consensual power and control tactic used by one person to express physical dominance over another. In the context of coercive control, it is an instrumental type of violence used to foster compliance and submission in the person targeted for the abuse.
How is non-fatal strangulation different from erotic asphyxiation?
What differentiates non-fatal strangulation from so-called erotic asphyxiation is context and consent.
While both non-fatal asphyxiation and so-called erotic asphyxiation are expressions of physical dominance, some of the key differences between them are:
Non-fatal strangulation is:
Non-consensual.
Occurs in the context of abusive power and control.
Intended to cause harm and induce fear.
Erotic asphyxiation is:
Consensual.
Occurs in the context of mutual sexual pleasure.
Is not intended to cause harm.
What to do if you’ve experienced non-fatal strangulation?
Confidential support is available 24/7/365 to anyone experiencing abuse. In the USA call 1-800-799-7233 or log on to thehotline.org. In the UK call 0808 2000 247 or log on to nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
Ireland’s first coercive control conviction highlights the importance of active bystanders. Judge Elma Sheahan sentenced 52-year-old Daniel Kane to 10.5 years in prison for coercive control, intimidation, and repeated assaults on his 43-year-old ex-partner. Kane’s campaign of domestic abuse took place over twenty months between 2018 and 2020.
Coercive control is a pattern of acts used by one person to secure emotional, psychological, and financial dominance over another person. It is the most extreme form of domestic abuse in existence. It was criminalized in Ireland in 2018.
Neighbors feared for victim’s life
Kane is the first person in Ireland to receive a coercive control conviction after a trial. Judge Sheahan found that his aggression was unprovoked and motivated by his contempt for the 43-year-old victim.
His daily alcohol-fueled attacks on his partner caused neighbors to fear for her life. Consequently, the police were called to the premises on five different occasions.
One neighbor recalls, “There were genuinely times I thought he was going to kill her — that’s how bad it was. The level of violence and aggression heard inside those walls was very distressing at times, at all hours of the day and night.
“And it wasn’t just normal rows. It was frightening what you would hear, between his aggression and her screams. I called the gardai and reported it to the management company, that’s all you can really do.”
The extent of Kane’s control over his partner terrified her to such an extent that she initially refused to make a complaint leaving the police unable to intervene.
In 2019, emergency medicine consultant Dr. Niamh Collins contacted investigators and expressed fear of a “real and substantial” threat to her life. Armed with medical evidence, police were able to charge Kane.
From victim to survivor
After Kane was charged, the victim felt safe and found the courage to tell her story. Moreover, she was able to provide a detailed victim impact statement about the intimate terrorism he inflicted on her. Yet he continued to threaten her from behind bars. Between March and July 2020, he told her he would send nude videos of her to her family and friends and publish them online if she didn’t withdraw her statement.
In a display of remarkable courage, she went ahead with the case, testifying to the court that she “might be dead or in a vegetative state” if not for the intervention of the doctor and police. She encouraged other victim-survivors to reach out to services like Woman’s Aid and the National Domestic Violence Hotline for support.
Orla O’Connor, the chief executive of the National Women’s Council of Ireland and Chief Superintendent Finbar Murphy at Blanchardstown Garda Station praised the survivor.
Chief Superintendent Murphy said, “This brave woman’s evidence in this investigation was vital.
“This case shows that any victim of domestic abuse shouldn’t suffer in silence — the abuser will convince them the [police] won’t listen but this is wrong.
“We will listen, we will investigate and the fault always lies with the aggressor. The Garda are skilled and experienced to deal with these types of investigations.”
“There are other tools at our disposal such as barring orders and we will continue to use those. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you are from — it’s against the law for anyone to behave in this appalling fashion. Everyone is entitled to dignity and respect.”
The court found that Kane’s coercive and controlling behavior began in earnest once he had isolated his partner from her family and friends.
Judge Sheahan said Kane showed disdain for the victim with totally unprovoked and unpredictable acts of “cruelty of the most vicious nature”, including:
Financial abuse
Punching
Burning her foot with a cigarette
Cutting her face and neck with a pizza slicer
Stomping on and fracturing her arm
Head-butting when she was recovering from nasal surgery, and
Strangling her, leaving bruises on her throat
He subjected her to humiliation by forcing her to sit naked on a sofa while he ranted verbal abuse at her. Because Kane took all of the victim’s money she could not escape.
A contributing factor to this lengthy coercive control conviction was Judge Sheahan’s disconcerting observation of Kane’s refusal to accept responsibility for the pain he caused – behavior that is typical of dark triad personalities high in narcissistic and anti-social traits.
In addition to his coercive control conviction, Kane was charged with intending to pervert justice for trying to intimate his ex-partner into withdrawing her statement. He pled guilty.
Domestic abuse occurs in the context of coercive control
Sarah Benson, chief executive of Women’s Aid, underscores the role coercive control plays in domestic abuse relationships. She describes the pattern of abuse as “tactics designed to isolate someone, erode their self-esteem and their sense of self-worth.”
Signs of coercive control include but are not limited to:
Isolation
Obstruction of employment
Monitoring time
Deprivation of basic needs
Monitoring communication
Taking control of daily life
Put-downs
Rules and regulations
Financial abuse
Threats
Criminal damage
Assault or rape
“It would be true to say that the vast majority of domestic violence and domestic abuse relationships occur in the context of coercive control.” said Ms. Benson, “Criminalizing coercive control is an incredibly important piece of legislation because that is how domestic violence and abuse manifests itself, in a pattern of behavior. To see that recognized and vindicated by a jury is excellent progress.”
A landmark coercive control case
Ireland’s first coercive control conviction demonstrates a departure from the culture of silence in which domestic abuse thrives. It also shows the vital role played by informed bystanders in preventing domestic abuse.
“This is a landmark case in Ireland and we hope that it will encourage many other women living with the terrorizing pattern of coercive control to come forward and to know that they will be believed and understood,” Catríona Gleeson, a spokeswoman for Safe Ireland said, “This case also sends a strong message to abusive men that if they think that it is acceptable to control, isolate, intimidate or degrade a woman, as this man did on a prolonged basis, they will have to stop this behavior or they will be convicted of a very serious crime.”
A gendered crime
While holding space for male survivors and recognizing that it happens to some men, it is important to understand that coercive control is a gendered crime. In other words, the extreme levels of violence and domestic homicide associated are more likely to happen to women.
Forensic social worker Dr. Evan Stark of Rutgers University who first coined the term, explains, “coercive control is a strategic course of oppressive behavior designed to secure and expand gender-based privilege by depriving women of their rights and liberties and establishing a regime of domination in personal life.”
He characterizes coercive control as:
Rational, instrumental behavior and not a loss of control
Ongoing rather than episodic, and
It is based on multiple tactics i.e. violence, intimidation, degradation, isolation, and control.
Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence. New York State. Abusive Partners. Retrieved January 25, 2021.
Confidential support is available 24/7/365 to anyone experiencing abuse. In the USA call 1-800-799-7233 or log on to thehotline.org. In the UK call 0808 2000 247 or log on to nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
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