Why do narcissists send flying monkeys?

Why Do Narcissists Send Flying Monkeys?

Narcissistic Abuse, Narcissistic Personality By Jul 12, 2023

Are you familiar with the term flying monkeys? If you’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering a narcissist, you may have come across this peculiar phenomenon. But what exactly does it mean? Well, imagine a narcissist as the Wicked Witch of the West, and the flying monkeys as their loyal minions, doing their bidding without question. In the world of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are the enablers, the friends, family members, or acquaintances who willingly or unknowingly aid the narcissist in their manipulative tactics. But why do narcissists send these flying monkeys in the first place? Is it simply to bolster their own ego or is there a deeper motive behind it all? In this article, we’ll delve into the psychology behind this perplexing behavior and shed light on the reasons why narcissists rely on their flying monkeys to carry out their destructive agenda. So, buckle up and prepare to unravel the secrets behind this narcissistic manipulation tactic.

Understanding Narcissistic Behavior

To comprehend why narcissists send flying monkeys, it’s essential to understand the nature of narcissistic behavior. Narcissists have an excessive need for admiration, a lack of empathy, and an inflated sense of self-importance. They thrive on control and power, and when their ego is threatened or they feel criticized, they employ various manipulative tactics to protect their fragile self-image. One such tactic is using flying monkeys.

What are Flying Monkeys?

Flying monkeys are individuals who become allies or enablers of narcissists. They may genuinely believe the narcissist’s distorted version of reality or simply be unaware of the narcissist’s true intentions. These flying monkeys are often manipulated through lies, guilt-tripping, or flattery by the narcissist to carry out their bidding. Whether consciously or unconsciously, the flying monkeys serve as conduits for the narcissist’s manipulation and provide a sense of validation to their distorted views.

The Psychology Behind Flying Monkeys

The use of flying monkeys by narcissists serves several psychological purposes. Firstly, it allows the narcissist to maintain a facade of innocence and victimhood while exerting control over their targets. By using others to do their bidding, narcissists can distance themselves from the consequences of their actions and avoid accountability. Secondly, it reinforces the narcissist’s need for validation and adoration. When the flying monkeys unquestioningly support the narcissist’s version of events, it boosts their ego and reinforces their belief in their superiority. Lastly, using flying monkeys allows narcissists to isolate their targets further. By turning others against the target, the narcissist weakens their support system and makes them more vulnerable to manipulation.

Why Do Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys?

Narcissists rely on flying monkeys for several reasons. Firstly, they provide the narcissist with a sense of power and control. By having others do their bidding, the narcissist can exert influence over their targets without getting their hands dirty. Secondly, flying monkeys serve as a buffer between the narcissist and the consequences of their actions. When the flying monkeys carry out the narcissist’s manipulative tactics, it becomes difficult for the target to directly confront the narcissist. Lastly, the use of flying monkeys allows the narcissist to maintain a positive public image. By aligning themselves with individuals who support their distorted reality, the narcissist can appear innocent and victimized, further perpetuating their manipulative behavior.

Signs that someone is a Flying Monkey

Identifying a flying monkey can be challenging, as they often appear well-meaning or oblivious to the narcissist’s manipulation. However, there are signs that can help identify their role. Firstly, flying monkeys often exhibit a lack of critical thinking or independent judgment. They blindly support the narcissist’s version of events without questioning or seeking the other side of the story. Secondly, they may engage in gossip or spreading rumors about the target, further perpetuating the narcissist’s narrative. Lastly, flying monkeys may exhibit a sudden change in behavior towards the target, becoming hostile or distant without any apparent reason.

The Impact of Flying Monkeys on the Target

Being targeted by narcissists and their flying monkeys can have a devastating impact on the victim’s mental and emotional well-being. The constant gaslighting, manipulation, and isolation can lead to feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and depression. The victim may question their reality, lose trust in others, and experience a decline in self-esteem. Additionally, the relentless attacks and character assassination by flying monkeys can cause significant damage to the victim’s reputation, relationships, and overall quality of life.

How to Deal with Flying Monkeys

Dealing with flying monkeys can be challenging, but it is not impossible. The first step is to recognize and acknowledge the role they play in the narcissist’s manipulation. Once identified, it’s essential to set firm boundaries and avoid engaging with them. Responding to their provocations or attempting to defend oneself may only fuel the narcissist’s agenda. Instead, focus on building a strong support system of trusted individuals who understand the dynamics of narcissistic abuse. Seeking therapy or professional help can also provide guidance and coping strategies to navigate the complex emotions associated with dealing with flying monkeys.

Setting Boundaries with Flying Monkeys

Setting boundaries with flying monkeys is crucial for protecting oneself from further harm. Clearly communicate your limits and expectations, and be prepared to enforce consequences if they are violated. Avoid divulging personal information or engaging in discussions that may give the flying monkeys ammunition to use against you. Remember, you have the right to protect yourself and prioritize your well-being.

Healing from the Effects of Flying Monkeys

Recovering from the effects of narcissistic abuse and the involvement of flying monkeys is a process that takes time and self-compassion. Seek therapy or narcissistic abuse recovery coaching. Focus on rebuilding your self-esteem, reestablishing healthy relationships, and reconnecting with your authentic self. Practice self-care, engage in activities that bring you joy, and surround yourself with positive influences. Remember, healing is possible, and you deserve to reclaim your life from the clutches of narcissistic manipulation.


The use of flying monkeys by narcissists is a manipulative tactic that serves to further their agenda and protect their fragile ego. Understanding the psychology behind this behavior can help victims of narcissistic abuse recognize the signs and take steps to protect themselves. By setting boundaries, seeking support, and focusing on healing, it is possible to break free from the chains of narcissistic manipulation and regain control over one’s life.


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